


Dumbledore's Deepest Desire

by AlbusGellertAlways



Series: Grindeldore Oneshots [4]
Category: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them (Movies), Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Albus Dumbledore & Newt Scamander - Freeform, Canon Gay Relationship, Friendship, Hogwarts, M/M, Mirror of Erised, Pre-Movie 1: Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them, Young Newt Scamander, professor dumbledore - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-11-22
Updated: 2018-11-22
Packaged: 2019-08-27 12:11:22
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,938
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/16702315
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/AlbusGellertAlways/pseuds/AlbusGellertAlways
Summary: Young Newt stumbles upon Professor Dumbledore looking into the Mirror of Erised.  Will he keep Dumbledore's darkest secret?





	Dumbledore's Deepest Desire

Disclaimer: Harry Potter and Fantastic Beasts belong to JKR.

A/N:  I wanted to write a story explaining Dumbledore and Newt Scamander’s life-long friendship.  Dumbledore/Grindelwald, my new favorite pairing, is heavily mentioned.

Later:  I found out that the Mirror of Erised doesn't really work the way I said it did, but you can use your imagination, right?

Also, I made a mention of Newt possibly having autism, but a kind reviewer informed me that word wasn't used until the 40s and that's way after this story is set.  I changed the wording on that.  Thank you!

.~.  
  
_Dumbledore’s Deepest Desire_  
  
.~.

It was the winter holidays and the Hogwarts Express had already departed, returning the students home to their families.  Soon after, the staff had left the castle via floo.  In all the commotion, no one had realized that someone had stayed behind.  Professor Albus Dumbledore wanted it that way.  All alone, he roamed Hogwarts’ hallowed halls, which felt empty without the presence and laughter of children.   

As far as Dumbledore knew, he was the only human staying in the castle over the holidays.  The house elves would provide his meals and he had his own lavish quarters in the staff wing – he would be taken care of.  One might think that Dumbledore would jump at the chance to take advantage of the silence and immerse himself in a good book, or perhaps catch up on paperwork.  One certainly would not think someone as wise and venerable as Dumbledore would purposely indulge in destructive behavior.

No, Dumbledore wasn’t about to drink himself into a stupor, or take up smoking opium.  Instead, Dumbledore headed straight for the Room of Requirement.  As he walked by the invisible doorway, the professor wished to find the Mirror of Erised.  As he knew it would, the doorway appeared.  Dumbledore went inside, finding the coveted Mirror of Erised waiting for him in the center of the room.  He conjured a purple sleeping bag with plenty of cushy purple pillows, planning to spend the night in front of the mirror. 

Dumbledore knew he would regret it later, that he’d only wallow in the self-inflicted misery, but he didn’t care.  He didn’t dare interact with the mirror when students were around, but now that he had the opportunity, he needed his fix.  In hindsight, Dumbledore probably should’ve bespelled the door, but as Hogwarts was empty, he didn’t bother.

Entranced by the enchanted object, Dumbledore gazed into the mirror.  Predictably, Grindelwald appeared.  Albus’ heart broke once again as he looked upon the adult version of his former lover.  He approached the mirror, placing his hand on the cool glass.  Grindelwald coolly stared back at him, mirroring Dumbledore’s action so their hands touched, or they would’ve had the mirror not been a glass barrier between them.  Albus was so enraptured by Grindelwald’s dark stare that he didn’t hear someone else enter the room.  
  
"Professor Dumbledore!" 

Albus whirled around to find one of his favorite students standing behind him.  “Mr. Scamander!” 

Newt sheepishly stared back at him, sporting his Hufflepuff dress robes and holding a battered brown suitcase.   

Dumbledore tried not to act like he was the one who had been caught doing something naughty.    _He_ was the adult, it was Newt who was in trouble.

“Merlin, Newt, you gave me quite a fright.  This area is restricted to students.”  Dumbledore frowned disapprovingly at his student.  “Explain yourself.”

Newt stared at him, wide-eyed, before pointing at the mirror.  “There was someone in the mirror, Professor, but now he’s gone.”

Albus inwardly cursed.  He’d been found out by one of his most brilliant students.  It was poetic justice really.

“Was that…Grindelwald?”  Newt asked, sounding astonished. 

Not seeing any reason to deny it, Dumbledore nodded.  
  
"Don't worry about finding Grindelwald, Professor.”  Newt gave Dumbledore an innocent smile.  “ _The Daily Prophet_ says that aurors are closing in on him, that he’ll be captured in mere days.”  
  
“I have read that as well," said Dumbledore.  Was it possible Newt didn’t understand the significance of the mirror?  
  
"Are you using the mirror to find his location?" Newt eagerly asked.    
  
"Not exactly," Dumbledore evaded, quickly changing the subject.  Perhaps he wouldn’t be found out after all. “Newt, you’re not supposed to be here.”

“In this room or in the castle?” Newt glumly asked.

“Both.  I’ll have to deduct fifty points from Hufflepuff for your infraction, and that’s just the beginning.”

Newt hung his head, his mess of curly reddish bangs falling over his eyes.

“What happened, Newt?” Dumbledore asked, stepping into his ‘professor’ persona.  “Did you miss the train?”

“No, I stayed behind on purpose,” said Newt, smiling sadly at his professor.  “My older brother Theseus is coming home for the holidays.  He’s a war hero and my parents are always singing his praises, wishing I could be more like him than, well, like me.  I didn’t want to deal with that so I owled them, said I was staying at a friend’s for the holidays.   I figured I could stay in the castle and no one would be the wiser.  Then I wanted to test a rumor I’d heard, that the Mirror of Erised was hidden somewhere in the castle.”  Newt nervously wrung his hands after trying to tame his hair.   “Please don’t expel me.”

Dumbledore sighed, folding his arms across his chest.  “I won’t expel you, Newt, but we need to get you home to your parents.  I’m sure they’re missing you.”

“Do I _have_ to?”  There was a hint of a whine in Newt’s voice, reminding Dumbledore just how young his student was, even though he was academically miles ahead of his classmates.

“Yes,” Dumbledore said sternly. 

“If I must,” Newt relented.   “But before we leave, can I have a look in the mirror?  I have a burning question that needs answering."

“I don’t think that’s-” Dumbledore tried, but Newt brushed past him and approached the mirror.  
  
A smiling young Leta Lestrange appeared, staring back at Newt, who rested his head on the glass against where Leta’s forehead would be, had she been in the flesh.   Then Newt remembered he had an audience.   
  
"Er, that answers my question," said Newt, blushing to his roots.

“Time to leave, Newt,” Dumbledore reminded him, gesturing for his student to go first.  “After you.”

“Yes, Professor.”  Newt headed for the door, lost in thought.  The mirror had confirmed his feelings.  However, something made him pause.  The mirror had shown Newt the deepest desire of his heart – Leta Lestrange.  But wouldn't that principle apply to anyone that looked in the mirror?  How would that explain Dumbledore's vision, that he wanted to find Grindelwald to apprehend him?  Then the obvious answer came to him.

Newt turned back around to face Dumbledore.  "You love him.”  There was no judgment in Newt’s voice, as he was simply stating a fact.

“What?”  Dumbledore’s voice was hoarse as he prayed he’d heard Newt wrong.

“Grindelwald.  That's why he appeared in the mirror for you.  The mirror shows us the deepest desires of our hearts."  
  
Dumbledore’s usually twinkling eyes clouded over at the accusation, delivered by one of his favorite students of all time.  He’d been so careful over the past years, but now his darkest secret had been discovered and he only had himself to blame.  The Defense Against the Dark Arts teacher heaved a great sigh, unable to keep the longing from his voice as he answered, "I did love him once.  Long ago."  
  
"I suppose that means you’re gay, then."  Newt gave a nervous chuckle.

"Yes, I am," said Dumbledore, resigning himself to his fate even as his heart thudded erratically in his chest.  He would not deny what he was, he’d done plenty of that in the past and it had never turned out well.  For once, he would take full responsibility.  "If you wish to turn me in to the Ministry, that is of course your right."  
  
Newt looked horrified.  "I would never do that, Professor!  Your sexual orientation has nothing to do with your qualifications to be a teacher."  
  
"Perhaps not, but in the wizarding world it is illegal to be openly gay and work with children,” Dumbledore reminded him.  “I don't want to make you feel uncomfortable or hand you the burden of keeping my secret."  
  
"It doesn't bother me, professor," Newt said truthfully. 

Dumbledore began to slowly relax.  He wasn’t going to Azkaban, not even for a short stay.   Now that the professor knew he would get to stay on at Hogwarts, he was intrigued by Newt’s compassionate claim.  “Why not?  That would bother a lot of people.”

"I have magical creatures in my possession,” Newt informed him.  “They’re my friends.  I think you would like them.  Perhaps I’ll introduce you sometime, if you like.”  
  
"I see,” Dumbledore said thoughtfully, knowing Newt would get to the point eventually.  “No illegal ones I hope?" The professor teased.  
  
"Uh…of course not, sir," Newt’s blush gave him away. 

“Not to worry, your secret is safe with me,” said Dumbledore.  “Although you have something far worse on me.  Please, continue.”

 "I've had many magical and non-magical creatures in my possession over the years,” Newt informed him.  “I’ve carefully studied them.  I believe that we can learn a lot from animal behavior.  In terms of mating practices, I noticed that several of my animals were matched in same-sex pairs.  It seems to happen everywhere in nature but humans are the only ones who question it.  After much observation of my animals, I’ve come to believe that same-sex pairs are normal, and that sexual orientation is something we are born with.  It’s like in humans, we are either born with magic or without it.”

"That is quite an astute observation, Newt," said Dumbledore with a look of admiration on his face.  “Although I would encourage you to keep that opinion to yourself.”

“Why, sir?” Newt frowned.  “Is it not correct?”

“Trust me on this,” said Dumbledore. 

Newt nodded.  “Of course, sir.”

"Thank you for keeping my secret," said Dumbledore, the muscles in his shoulders slowly losing their stiffness as he fully relaxed.  “You don’t know what that means to me, to have your acceptance.   I also hope that you won’t hold my past against me.”  
  
"I could never hold it against you for loving someone,” Newt said earnestly.  “You were the one that taught me that love is the strongest force on Earth, that it’s even greater than gravity."

“I’m glad you remembered that,” said Dumbledore, giving Newt a wry smile.  “Many wizards believe that love between two men or two women does not and cannot exist.”

“They’re wrong,” Newt vehemently proclaimed, before he blushed yet again.  “Sorry.  Sometimes I get a bit overly enthusiastic about things.”

“I appreciate your fervor,” said Dumbledore.  “I could’ve used you as a friend back when I was going through Hogwarts as a student.  Perhaps I wouldn’t have felt so alone.”

Newt stared at Dumbledore, questions lurking in his eyes.

“Yes?” Dumbledore asked.  “Speak your mind, Newt.”

“Professor, there are a few things that I don't understand," said Newt.  "For instance, what do you plan to do about Grindelwald?  He’s extremely dangerous and he practices dark magic.  Do you plan to apprehend him or will you let your personal feelings get in the way of stopping the worst threat to wizardkind in over a century?  Because, sir, I know you are the only one who can move against him, the _Prophet_ be damned."

“I promise you that I wish to find him and apprehend him,” Dumbledore vowed.  “In regards to my feelings, it’s complicated.  However, I can’t move against Grindelwald.”

“Why?  If you two dueled, I think you have a decent chance at winning,” said Newt, letting his disappointment in his hero shine through in his expression.  “You’re always telling us to be brave, Professor.  Does that sentiment not apply to you?”

“It’s not that simple,” Dumbledore sighed, “but not for the reasons you think.   Gellert and I had a brief affair as teenagers.  I didn't see what he truly was until it was too late.”  He shook his head, ever regretful of his choice of romantic partners.  “While we were still together, I did something remarkably foolish – I made a blood pact with Gellert not to ever fight him.”

“Professor!” Newt gasped.  “Blood pacts are laced with dark magic.  Why would you agree to such a thing?”

Dumbledore bowed his head.  “Because I loved him.  He was a master manipulator and I fell for it.”

Newt nodded understandingly.  “Do you _still_ love him?”

“Yes, although I don’t know quite why,” Dumbledore admitted.  “He’s a twisted and evil soul, now.  I wish I could’ve saved him when we were young, but I couldn’t.”  He tried to hide the pain lurking in his eyes, but ultimately failed.  
  
Newt stepped forward an gave Dumbledore a hug, awkwardly patting the professor’s back. 

Tears came to Dumbledore’s eyes, knowing how uncomfortable it made Newt to touch another person.  The boy had surprised him yet again.   Dumbledore suspected that Newt fell into a classification of humans that had sensory issues and rarely engaged in human touch, but there was no official name for it.  Or perhaps the boy just enjoyed solitude and enjoyed the company of animals more than humans.  Dumbledore could sympathize.

Newt quickly pulled away from Dumbledore.  Unfortunately for Albus, he had more questions.  "When you first met Grindelwald, did you believe in his ideology, about wizard domination?”  He mumbled on, “I don't see how you could.  You're such a champion for muggleborns and Grindelwald wants to enslave them."  
  
Dumbledore winced.  "I did at first.  I was blinded by a lust for power and fame.  I'm not proud of that time of my life, Newt.  I’m ashamed to say that I came up with the concept of for the 'greater good'.  You can't imagine how much I regret that now.  If you would keep that to yourself, I’d appreciate it."

“I won’t tell, professor,” Newt promised.  
  
Dumbledore smiled as he regarded his student.  "I admire you, Newt.  You have no ambitions to gain power or wealth or fame."  
  
Newt shrugged.  "I have no use for those things.  I simply want to take care of the endangered magical creatures, sir.  I might even write a book on how to care for them someday.  They deserve love and attention as much as humans do, if not more."  
  
"There is such goodness in you, Newt,” said Dumbledore, warmed to the core by what he saw in his student.  “You care about your animals, and you care about people, even if you find them difficult.  I will do all that I can to support your career path.”  
  
"There is goodness in you too, professor," Newt said earnestly.  "You're the best teacher I've ever had, by far.  You believed in me when no one else would – well, except for Leta.  Thank you."  
  
"It was my pleasure to teach you," said Dumbledore.  He was smiling but the smile didn't quite reach his eyes.  “Now, it’s time to leave this room.   I must ask you not to go looking for the mirror again.”  
  
"I could ask the same of you, professor,” Newt said calmly.   
  
Dumbledore frowned, but Newt stood his ground.  

Newt’s voice grew somber, making him sound older than his seventeen years.  "Don't let this obsession with the mirror turn into an addiction.  We can't afford to lose you now.  The magical world needs you."  
  
Dumbledore was completely stunned by his student’s perceptiveness.  “I have no intention of doing that, Newt - I promise.  I know my responsibilities, as great as they are.”   He patted Newt on the shoulder.   “It’s time to go, Mr. Scamander.”  
  
They left the Room of Requirement together. 

“We can use my office – it’s linked to the floo network,” said Dumbledore as they headed in that direction.  “With my permission, you can transport straight to your home.”

Newt paused a moment in the corridor.  “I’d like for you to come with me, professor.”

“Pardon me?” Dumbledore asked, not trusting his ears.

“Come with me,” Newt urged.  “Spend the holidays at my parents’ house.  I can show you my collection of magical creatures.”

Dumbledore blinked.  “You would want that?” 

Newt nodded.  “My parents won’t mind, we have a spare bedroom.  My parents will be so proud of me for bringing you along that they might forget about Theseus for five seconds.  They’ll also get to brag to all of their friends that they hosted Albus Dumbledore.  Really, you’d be doing me a favor.”

Dumbledore and Newt regarded one another for a moment.  They both knew it was a flimsy excuse, that Newt didn’t want him to be lonely over the holidays and fall victim to the call of the mirror.

Dumbledore wondered if it would be appropriate to stay at the home of a student, if it would cause any issues with the Ministry in terms of favoritism.  But Newt wasn’t currently in any of Dumbledore’s classes.  He had no reason to refuse, except for a matter of pride.  Dumbledore considered spending a lonely holiday in the castle.  But he had a genuine offer of company, the first chance in years for a normal winter holiday filled with cheer.  Perhaps he _did_ deserve that.

“If it’s not too much trouble, I’d like that, Newt,” Dumbledore said quietly.

.~.

That holiday at the Scamander home marked the beginning of a longstanding close friendship between Albus Dumbledore and Newt Scamander, who never told a soul about Albus’ secrets.

.~.

The End

A/N:  Did I capture Newt’s character correctly?  Please let me know what you think in the comments section!  Kudos are great as well. 

 

 


End file.
